What I've Been Thinking

Yes, there are days where I have a little wish that
someone might just call me up, or ask me to come
and go somewhere with them, or even ask me
to come and do nothing with them.
There are days that I sometimes feel lonely.
Days that I sometimes get bored just sitting around.
Days that I wish I was busier with work, or something.
Days I wish I was in school again.
Days I think too much.
Days that feel like weeks.

But honestly those days are very few in number, and everyday I feel great.
Everyday I feel wonderful.
Everyday I feel content.
Everyday I feel blessed beyond measure.
Everyday I feel grateful and thankful for so much.
Everyday I feel more than physically beautiful (although some days I have to tell myself I am!)
Everyday I feel like I am moving in the right direction.
Everyday I feel like I am one step closer to who I really am.
And because of that, everyday I feel like I am one step closer
to who I really am supposed to be with.

The other day I was walking into the grocery store and a mom and her two toddlers were strolling into the store, one trying to run away, the other skipping about. I just watched them all and smiled. And a feeling seemed to just settle within me that has been there all along, "I'll have that one day. I really will. One day I will have everything. I'll have that one day."

And by everything, I definitely do not mean materialistically. I mean the laughter of her children surrounding her, the smiles on their faces, the trust they had in her, her responsibility, her care; the happiness that comes along with family and the love between a mother and her children.

And it wasn't that I was sad about it, but it just made me that much happier and anxious for my future and where the Lord will direct me these next 5, 10, 20...forever...years.

I want to be loved not only for who and what I am, but who and what I'm not. And if it takes 3, 6, 10, or more years to find the man who will, it will be worth it all. Every step, every minute, every breath of the way will be worth it.

I can('t) wait!