And my mind goes...{b..l..a..n..k}

Warning: This post was written quickly and at the spur of a moment in a few minutes of freetime...and therefore I feel it wasn't written correctly, or at least in the most graceful way as it could have been with more time. I feel it comes out a bit immature and naive. But please do note that I'm trying to just get feelings down somewhere. Maybe I'll revise this during another few intermittent moments of freedom. For now, just try to understand what I'm saying and meaning in the long run...if possible.

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It seems that day after day (that turns into weeks and now a couple of months) I find myself thinking of more of how things are right now, today, here, in the world. And then instantly think of how things will be tomorrow, years down the road, and ultimately, in Eternity. When we've all passed on and traversed through this mortal world, we'll be reunited and remember all things. We'll know so many people! We'll realize what we did and didn't do. We'll see how our lives affected and influenced others and how they helped us along the way, as well. It will be beautiful to come to that state of being, to that state of understanding, harmony and peace.

So many times in Institute things are said about Zion. "How would it be if we all were striving to live a Zion life?" "How would the world, and even just your life and your ward, be different if we were all taking a moment to help each other and remember that we all have the same goal?" Even talking about how we may clash and conflict with others in this life, I've been reminded that we are all the same; we are all children of our Heavenly Father.

If then, we all made the same choice in Heaven, why is it that we must conflict at all? Why is it that we have to disagree and raise our voices and become upset and frustrated, impatient and unwilling to understand and listen? Why is it that feelings must be hurt? Why is it that unkind words be said and unnecessary actions be made? When in the end, not many of us come away from those situations feeling good about any of it? Why then do we put people in pain from our own choices? Why must we act so abruptly according to our emotions, feelings, wants, opinions, etc.? I know this is a spewing of questions, but why do we hurt one another?

In a lighter way of putting it: Why do we treat others in ways that we, ourselves, wouldn't want to be treated?

Why are we too proud to apologize? Why can't we look past ourselves and look into someone else and their heart and see that maybe what we're doing, is causing them pain? Yes, there needs to be differences in life and pain must be experienced, but what about undeserved pain (is that even possible or real?)? What about pain caused by another's choice of lashing out?

I guess I already know an answer, but sometimes it just hurts to really take a step back and realize how uncharitable we are towards one another.

I've joked with friends before that I can't stand when people are hurt from someone else and as a "defense mechanism" they just get even more upset at them, say unkind things about them, tell themselves that it's that other person's loss. Put themselves higher than the other person. When all along, isn't the other person (who gave out the pain in the first place) just the same as the one who got hurt? Human? Imperfect? Loved by family, friends, and Heavenly Father? Trying their hardest? Meeting trials and tribulations? Has weaknesses? Why then is it justifiable to think lowly of them, in any regard? {Sidenote: obviously I am omitting those people who commit serious crimes. Although instances involving such gross sins involves forgiveness, just the same. A talk from President Faust comes to mind...}

I don't want to leave this mortal earth and get the other side, see a few people and remember, "Oh yeah, I thought you were a jerk!"

Ok, I know that seems like a pretty ridiculous example! But I honestly just can't imagine how awful I'd feel to see someone in the next life who I had such strong emotions of hurt for...and just then realize that they were just like me. That they are loved. That they were trying. They weren't out to hurt me, make me miserable, deserving of my frustration and unwillingness to forgive them.

This is such an earful, or rather a read-ful...? But it's just been on my mind. Why, if we are all understanding of the Gospel, the Lord's love for all of us, the Atonement, the end goal to live a life in the Heavens, perfection, our inner desire to do good and be charitable...to be like Christ...why do we decide to treat, or even think of, others otherwise?

Trying to answer this, my mind sometimes goes....

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